I hope everyone had a terrific turkey day. Do you like the picture of my bird? I'm a veg-head so I didn't eat it, but I thought it looked pretty, especially with the crazy silly little white poofs on its feet!
Chances are if it's been a looong time since I've posted a blog, I've been going through a rough patch. I confess it's true this time. After coming down from the high of election night, I fell into a bit of a funk. I've been trying to rally and sometimes I get to feeling pretty normal, but then I seem to sink again. I could list a dozen different potential contributing factors, from the weather to the coming of the one-year anniversary of my dad's death, but I'm choosing to forego excuses. I don't like to write anything to you lovely folks unless I feel that it might lift you up in some way. Why shold you bother reading a blog full of complaints? You've got your own problems! But I decided to write today even though the fog is still surrounding me a bit.
We ALL go through these periods, do we not? Maybe some of us are more prone to despair than others (my hand is in the air) but from time to time we are all bound to feel like the best place to be is under the covers. For me, this is a reminder that I've been sleepwalking through my life. It's a wake-up call that tells me it's time to tune in again, to wake up to what's really important. It always means I've let my spiritual practive fall by the wayside. You don't have to be religious-you don't even have to believe in God-to have a spiritual practice. It can be a simple ritual of gratitude, like taking time each day to write down a few things you are thankful for. In the last few days, I've started meditating again. It helps my state of mind so much to just take a few minutes (prefereably twenty but I'm working back up to that) to STOP, to take a conscious break from the mental chatter that clogs up my inner peace. I find out when I stop long enough to separate myself from my thoughts that FEAR has been running the show. I have so many fears, worries, concerns, anxieties. If I don't stop to shine a flashlight on them, they linger around in the shadows and unbeknownst to me, they take over.
My wonderful family drove from Michigan to New Jersey to spend Thanksgiving at my house. We had a great visit and the dinner I made didn't turn out half bad (see above pic). There is only one thing that would have made the weekend better- if I could have stopped my brain from envisioning my sister's car flipped upside down on the way home. The most precious people in the world to me were all in one vehicle-even my two nephew dogs!- and I couldn't help but go to the worst case what-ifs. This is insanity. It is self-inflicted torture having nothing to do with reality. Fortunately, I've done enough spiritual work to have a few techniques to help soothe my frantic, worried mind. The bummer is you can't just learn this stuff once and then be cured. It is a PRACTICE. I always thought that if I just read the right book, went to the right seminar, studied under the right teacher, then I'd finally "get it" once and for all and be able to move on, to never have to confront my old fears again. But I still have to practice what I've learned EVERY DAY. How do I do that? By challenging the troublesome thoughts, by confronting them and shining the light of truth into my darkest fears. And, most importantly, by doing everything I possibly can to stay present in this moment- not lamenting the past or projecting the terrifying what-ifs of the future. Right here, right now, this breath in and out...all is well.
So, that's what I'm working on. Meditation helps. Reading Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie and Martha Beck and Joan Borysenko helps. Exercising helps. Gratitude helps. So, I'm taking this moment to breathe in and out and to say thank you to all of you for reading this blog. I wish you peace and calm and freedom from your fears. And now I'm putting on my gym clothes and heading out to do 30 minutes of cardio. I'm in no mood but I'm not going to listen to the thoughts that say, "You're too tired. What's the point? You can skip it today..." I believe that we are each responsible for the energy we radiate out into the world. I don't want to pollute your day or anyone else's with icky, negative, worrisome vibes, so I'm off to rev up some positive life force. Breathe in. Breathe out. Peace.
3 comments:
Sandra, thanks for that! I totally agree with you that everyone goes through hard times, and I'm with you right now. Everything seems to be going wrong. So, it's good to know that I'm not alone right now, and it's also good to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Sandra, we are so very much alike in our fears and our beliefs. I am also coming up to the anniversary of my Mom's passing (Dec 13), so I know just how you feel. I've also been in a blue mood for months now and find that meditation helps, T'ai Chi and Yoga help, as well. I just find that I have to "push" myself to do these things. If I miss a session, I feel even worse. BUT...if I push myself and do these exercises I feel SO much better afterwards. Not cured, of course, but definitely higher spirits. The fear(s) you had about your sister's car are similar to the fears I have about my daughter traveling alone in subways late at night after a rehearsal or a performance. I guess the old adage "what you don't know doesn't hurt" doesn't ride with me. Or with you, for that matter. I think it's because we LOVE so deeply that we THINK so deeply and sometimes not positively.
BTW...your Turkey looks beautiful. I told you on Facebook how easy it was to prepare a Turkey. I hope you found that to be true. It certainly looks beautiful in your photo!
All the best always.......
your words could not have come at a better time, Sandra-- and they are WELL appreciated. You know probably better than anyone the stress of working up to a show's production and I swear I'm about to explode. Between running on and offstage, being on headset with lights, and doing lights, the show is almost done and show week is next week! (with a music concert somewhere in there with concert band... Really I think I'll just sleep...) Wish me luck-- and thanks for such reassuring words, you are to me what Oprah is to you. :) I'll be sure to share it with my classmates tomorrow in class rehearsal, and post pictures on my facebook.
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