"Taking stock of what I have and what I haven't,
What do I find?
A healthy balance on the credit side..." Annie Get Your Gun
Two weeks ago, I climbed to the back of the attic and carried out two large plastic bins, containing decades worth of my old journals. I dusted them off and have spent the better part of the last two weeks reading through them, a daunting and mighty humbling experience. Can you say boy crazy? I mean certifiably insane. "I'm certain he's the one. I've known him twevle days."
Reading my old ramblings is part of an archaeological dig I've embarked on as I try to unearth meaningful moments from my past for possible use in the memoir of my future. Amidst the whining and pining over the man of the moment, I have discovered a few buried treasures. There are recurring themes of gratitude for family, love of nature, and valued friendships. There are career pursuits and dreams fulfilled and a constant search for spiritual truth. Above all, what occurs to me after reading through years of my innermost thoughts is that the happiest moments were not about money, achievement, or fame, but about the experiences created with the people I love most. With my dad now gone from the physical plane, I am so grateful that I have so many treasured memories to look back upon. While he was here, I didn't take him for granted. I spent tons of quality time with the one man who was a constant in my life. I appreciated him then, and I appreciate him even more now.
What would you find if you went digging through your past? What are the themes of your life's narrative? Are you investing today's currency in moments that will matter when you look back on them tomorrow? Ten years from now?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Taking stock
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6 comments:
Oddly enough, I'm in a looking-back-to-look-forward mode today myself. :-)
I must have made a couple dozen attempts to start a diary as a kid and young adult, and it almost never stuck. My memories are hooked to where I lived and what grade I was in, and sparked by photos and scraps of physical evidence. The strangest things sometimes, like my Girl Scout mess kit, pitted from the time I left it unwashed for...er...a long time, and discovered that stainless steel wasn't indestructible. :-)
Sometimes I think it's the lessons that come in the oddest form that stick with me the most.
Whoops... Those italics should have been a link to my blog post from earlier today. Not sure how I managed that...
I find that just going through old boxes of books and journals either for a deep cleaning kind of moment or just to see what's there is really a calming sort of thing. I recently just went through my closet while I was cleaning my room and found a whole bunch of my older journals that I thought I had thrown out when I moved (I moved just this past Halloween) and man. I was a complete dork. and a rather bad artist...
I find my journal doesn't speak to my head as often as it does to my heart. It's either through drawing/doodling, singing or listening to my ipod and writing down that day's playlist or writing creatively. I found in my more trivial parts of my life when I was 13, I bottled up more than I could handle. It's a cleansing feeling to realize that I'm not angry, hurt, or sad about things that have happened but really... stronger.
Today, my choir also hosted it's bi-annual choral festival, and it was the most frustrating, amazing, funny, loud, crazy festival to date. It's only over a weekend, and at least 6 different choirs are all thrown together on a Friday night, practice then, have all Saturday together and have a massive concert on the Saturday night with several mass pieces. The end result ultimately, is amazing. So if anything, the theme right now? Bliss with a biting fizz in the background. Earlier? Frustration and a bit of stress... maybe.
My old journals(as i still keep one now-i'm only 16) are still hard for me to get through without having to put them down and think about something else for a while before deciding that i'm strong enough to read some more pages. while they may physically be light, my journals are heavy with everything-and i mean everything-that i don't think anyone else would understand. so in digging through my past, i think i'd rather leave it all behind than bring it with me...
however, if reading through you old ones bring joy to you, more power to you.
I LOve your blog.. my word I am so dull witted sometimes.. I didn't realize I could bing on the photo and there pops a blog. I will link it to basicmissions I love this and never miss a day. Honey you are so lovely I loved our talk. You are so beautiful inside and out. I love the babies on the red couch.. you are after my own heart. I just order white couches.. and pink and orange chairs very thai.. we have to keep duncan nuts.. or I wouldn't be doing my job. haha. Thanks for the call and check in often.. when you are on the road does you cell have free time we can visit and have our own writters club basic has free lines at night and I could hook debbie and some others writers up and we could chat about block and the love of is and being honest.. I love the idea.. let me know write me at basiccallie@basicmissions.com
love ya. callie
Oh I keep everything.. every nakpkin and token and each day is journaled.. i love doing it and my memories are so close at hand. you can see your own growth and the days that changed you and motivated you ... it is so rewarding everyone should do it and then look back about every six months.. it shows your growth. love ya. callie
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